Welcome to Dark Side of the Spoon, a candid journey into the life and mind of an opiate aficionado [and addict]. Leave all your assumptions behind, because this isn't going to be a story of recovery, of finding god, or jesus, or whatever, and it certainly isn't a story of regret or shame....I regret nor am ashamed of anything I have done, continue to do, or will do in the future, and I realize for those NA/higher power types, they're not going to want to hear such things.
Contrary to the popular perception of an addict, especially of an opiate addict, I've never been arrested, never stole, never lost a job, and never alienated my family or friends....I'm, what I consider, an exception to the common perception, and while I will, at length, detail the differences between my behavior and actions to that of an "out of control junkie", I'll be the first to condemn said behavior by other addicts. It is my firm belief, that addicts which resort to crime to further their habits, were 99 times out of 100 getting into trouble with the law PRIOR to any addictions. It reminds me of high school, when most people were just smoking weed, and some of my friends would utter this oft repeated line: "I've gotta stop smoking weed man, my grades are slipping...", to which I'd aptly point out that "You were getting bad grades BEFORE you ever started smoking weed...". ON the flip side, I had always earned straight A's, and continued to do so after becoming an avid and active drug user.
Contrary to the Official story propagandized by the government, Parents for a Drug free society and Narcotics Anonymous, it IS possible to use any and every drug/substance responsibly, both reducing or eliminating all risks from the law or to your person. As I stated previously, I've never committed a crime in the furtherance of my habit or stole or lied from or to any friends or family members, and contrary to what some may thing, NO, I'm not wealthy or rich (because if I was, obviously it'd be easy to furnish a drug habit and avoid having to commit crimes to secure said drugs). I would run out of opiates (whether pain killer or heroine) just like anyone else, and face the torturous experience of Opiate withdrawal, just like anyone else, the only difference is, I toughed it out and endured through the withdrawal....completely. I didn't just go through a few hours or one day then get my fix....oh no, when I say I went through "withdrawal", I mean I went completely through withdrawal, i.e. enduring the suffering and agony for four, five, or even six days until it stopped. Some may doubt this, but it is the absolute truth...hell, even my sister who has been an opiate addict for nearly twice as long as I have even said she's never been able to make it "past a single day", yet I did, and I did not steal, commit a crime, or anything like it to avoid said withdrawals. At the time, despite the agony of withdrawal putting suicidal ideations in my mind, I just thought to myself, "Why would I want to destroy my relationship with my mother by stealing from her? Besides, she's poor and taking her money would financially ruin her life..." and so I suffered.
Anyway, as anyone with even the slightest deductive reasoning may have figured out, this isn't going to be anything close to a typical "drug story."
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